• Michael Phelps was disqualified from competing in the 1996 Olympics when the IOC determined that running on the surface of the water did not count as “swimming.”

• Michael Phelps won a gold medal incognito as beach volleyball player Kerri Walsh at the XXVIII Olympiad in Athens.

• Michael Jordan cannot hold his bowels in The Presence of Michael Phelps.

• Michael Phelps has been nominated for all of the Nobel Prizes except literature. He razed the city of Stockholm to teach the prize committee some manners.

• Half of Michael Phelps’s training regime remains shrouded in mystery as it takes place on a swamp planet in the Dagoba system. Just who is training him there, or what he is learning is the subject of much speculation.

• Bob Costas is a figment of Michael Phelp’s imagination.

• Barrack Obama pays Michael Phelps a royalty every time he uses the slogan “Yes We Can” or inspires a member of the younger generation.

• McDonald’s tried to low-ball Michael Phelps on an endorsement deal for their new chicken sandwich. In response, Phelps willed Ronald McDonald’s heart to stop.

• In early 2007, Michael Phelps breifly considered the concept of Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris spent a week in the hospital.