10 Movies I Never Don’t Want to Watch
As a filmmaker, part of watching movies for me is now academic. When I was in school I endured being taught how to actively analyze films as I watch them. This sucked a lot of ass for a couple of years, because I lost the ability to just watch a movie without analyzing, which can be the preferred method when you hit the cinema after a long week. I trained myself to do it eventually, but not before I noticed a small group of classic movies that I never didn’t want to watch. These might not be the best of all time, but they are greatly distinguished from all other films in my mind, because I watch them without needing to put them under a microscope.
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
Ferris is a hell of a hero character because he’s the coolest dude in school, but his best friend is a lamer just like the rest of us. That gives us all hope that one day we can be the sidekick of the coolest dude in school. Also, it’s full of practical advice, like the licking the palms trick, and the thing about stopping to smell the roses. Also, there’s that dude up on the scaffolding that does a hula move while Ferris is singing “Twist and Shout.” I love that dude.
Wayne’s World
…Wayne’s World. Party time. Excellent. Can’t hear the title without doing that. Shares a lot with Ferris in that it’s always playing with the fourth wall, but also shares a lot with Bill and Ted’s in its laid back lead characters. I can’t help but think a lot of the present-day abuse of “dude” and “bro” by the fraternally inclined members of my generation stems from this film, but it is nonetheless unforgettable.
Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure
The fact that it has George Carlin in it is amazing to me. I want to find out the story behind that. The premise of this film is just so fantastic. LIke most of the films on this list, I can barely conceive of the confluence of mistakes and blunders that must have taken place for a studio to actually sink funding into this script, but the finished product is a pretty much unblemished work of genius. And fuck you if you think Bogus Journey is better. Not saying it’s bad, just that it’s blasphemy to say it’s better.
Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure
Paul Reubens and Tim Burton are cinema’s dream team. In my mind, when they work together, they are incapable of wrongdoing. Its a shame Pee-Wee’s career has been through so many ups and downs, but if the rumors of new films in the series are true, then there is indeed hope for humanity.
Gladiator
This is the only Best Picture on my list as far as I know. Basically it’s on here because it’s never not fun to watch Russel Crowe stab a lot of guys with swords. The battle at the beginning is completely off the chains, the storyline is silly, but it’s mostly manageable, and almost always stays out of the way of more scenes where guys can get killed by Russel Crowe, which never ceases to command my attention.
The Empire Strikes Back
I don’t know why the other Star Wars films aren’t on here, but something about Empire is just so great. I love the Battle of Hoth. I love all the goofy pop philosophy that Yoda espouses. One time when I was in fourth grade a yoga instructor came to our class and told us that Yoda was named after yoga, and that we should therefore all do yoga. Works for me.
The Negotiator
Sam Jackson gets framed for theft and murder and takes hostages in a police building. The twist is that he’s employed by the police as a hostage negotiator himself! He’s so hard to negotiate with! Who could possibly talk this crazy man down out of this building? Kevin Spacy can do it. I loved Inside Man and I believe the plot of that stole about four or five major beats from The Negotiator. That’s not to say this is some great film. Maybe it isn’t, but I re-watch it all the damn time.
The Fifth Element
This technicolor space saga is so silly its incredible that it holds it together for the full five acts. I mean the Gary Oldman bad guy is redonkculous, his weird shape-shifting henchmen are hapless buffoons until they start shooting the fuck out of everything, there’s a bunch of jokes about Milla Jovovich’s boobs (she plays the supreme being, you see), everyone’s cigarette’s are like 75% filter and 25% cigarette. What the fuck business does this film have being tight, well paced and witty when all the details are such baroque madness? I don’t fucking know, bud I love it.
Pootie Tang
Some people mistake the brilliance of this movie for stupidity, but Pootie Tang is right up there with Pee-Wee as a folk hero whose silliness and unflinching goodness in the face of adversity should inspire all of us to stop eating hamburgers and doing drugs. Seppa town.
Die Hard
Hey there’s all this glass on the floor and I have no shoes! What am I going to do? Take my shirt and sweep the glass aside or something? Fuck no! I’m Bruce Willis! I’m just going to fucking walk on it you pussy.
Posted: May 30th, 2008 under Miscellaneous.
Comments: 3
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